Premenstual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

PMDD: The biggest problem I've ever faced. This is my story. This is my struggle. In the summer of 2009, I became pregnant. The pregnancy was like any other, until it ended abruptly in the first trimester. I was no stranger to a lost pregnancy. This wasn't my struggle. In the days following, I went through the normal motions, and the normal feelings one would experience in my situation. By the end of the month though, my life would be forever changed; I just didn't know it yet.

I'd started using hormonal birth control following the pregnancy, and decided to go off of it, thinking perhaps it was causing the mood swings. Nothing changed by going off of it though except I lost a bunch of weight. It took a few months before my boyfriend pointed out that my up-and-down moods were coming in some sort of pattern- he remarked, "every couple weeks", something I didn't notice. From there, I started researching, and it didn't take long until my web browser was full of tabs, and my eyes full of tears, pouring over message board posts and web pages about PMDD. There was no doubt in my mind that this was what was wrong with me. So I went to my doctor, who had never heard of PMDD, and consequently, I left empty-handed. I started calling other doctors around town, and every nurse on the other end of the line replied with something along the lines of "PM-What?" I knew we were going to be leaving the rural town we lived in and heading closer to a city, so I decided to postpone looking for a doctor until I was in a better place to find a suitable one.

I researched my condition as much as I could. In the meantime, the boyfriend and I really went through hell. Every month, like clockwork, I would turn into a raging bitch; an emotional, volatile, mood swing incarnate. PMDD rears her ugly head every month around ovulation. For me, it starts that day, usually day 13/14 for me as I have a pretty regular 28-day cycle. The symptoms are vast. To be diagnosed with PMDD, you need to have both physical and emotional/cognitive symptoms that repeat, and they must interfere with your life. It also had to, for the most part, go away shortly after your period starts until sometime around or after ovulation. Luckily, PMDD is a little bit more well known now than it was even 4 years ago when I embarked on my journey with it, so you can find a detailed list of the potential symptoms with a quick Internet search. I've detailed both my physical here and emotional/cognitive here symptoms in two other blog posts so as to not make this one too lengthy.

PMDD has been shown to be hereditary. It tends to get worse with age, and pregnancy. While during pregnancy, most symptoms should disappear, some women find that a few do not, or get worse, like anxiety. Following pregnancy though, many women claim their PMDD is worse than it was prior to. I can't say because my kids were both born before I knew I had PMDD. It could simply be that entering back into a life with PMDD is brutal and abrupt for many women after 9 months off. I don't think anyone really knows.

PMDD is NOT a hormonal imbalance. You don't have too little or too much of something. Rather, your body cannot tolerate the normal hormonal fluctuations in your body. This is why it flares up so much at ovulation and progressively gets worse until period time. 

PMDD was recently updated in the DSM-5. Check it out It's now classified enough to be considered a mental illness. Most of us with PMDD who have educated ourselves well do not consider it to be a mental illness. Some will say we don't want to be stigmatized. LOL I could care less at this point what they call it; I just want better treatment options. So, it's disheartening to watch the medical community go down a mental illness path when we know they're wrong. It sucks to know we are going to have to wait for them to realize that's not right to even start getting on the right track. I, along with many others who are paving the way in PMDD awareness, believe PMDD is rooted in the pituitary glands, making it an endocrine-based disorder. This is one of the reasons I don't like using anti-depressants, benzos (which I've yet to try), etc. Taking those medications is a great way for some women to catch a break. I totally understand and would never hold it against you. For me, I'm not merely trying to battle PMDD to get through my own life, I'm trying to change the way the world views it and find better treatments. I have never believed in treating the symptoms of a problem. I believe some of this relates to the medical and pharmaceutical industries being largely about profit. If they keep you sick, and just treat your symptoms, you have to keep coming back. I'm not down with that. I want a cure. At best, I want there to be a way to treat the cause-the pituitary gland- not the mental symptoms that your hormones cause after leaving your endocrine system. That's not good enough for me. I think the medical industry looks at the current PMDD treatments and thinks just that; "good enough". Here is a great link to listen to a recent NPR interview with two of the women making waves for PMDD awareness.

It is NOT PMS. I almost resent PMDD being given the name Premenstrual anything. Comparing PMDD and PMS is not like apples and oranges; it's more like comparing a rain shower to a typhoon. Please take time to read up on the symptoms. Educating yourself about PMDD could save your life or the life of someone you know if you think you/they could be suffering from it. This is a disorder that rips families apart, drives women out of their minds, ruins careers, friendships, and even for some, leads to suicide. Without treatment and awareness of the disorder, it will get worse. The earlier treatment begins, the better. You're not alone.