Let's see how long that one's stuck in your head... :) How's everybody doing? How is summer treating you? It's been a real whirlwind in our house since school let out. Just prior to such, I got a new job offer that I happily—and nervously—scooped up. I work a little too much these days, but who doesn't <3 money, right? June seemed to pass quickly while I tried to learn the ropes of a new company. Of course, what else does summer mean? For us, a little more of a social life than I've had time for. The beau and I often clash on this one. He works hard and I love him for it, but he works hard pretty much only at work. So outside of the 9-5, I do just about everything else, including all the housework. Working from home generally has lots of advantages, but when you add two kids to the mix that are normally in school all day, it gets challenging. Couple that with neighborhood friends running in and out of the house, lunches and snack time to make, sibling arguments to mediate and dogs barking at the mayhem, and you can account for why I'm often working in the evenings too until my eyelids fail me.
So I work a lot of weekends too now, making my free time all that more important to me when I get it. When downtime arises, I being the homebody that I am want nothing more than to stay in my pajamas all day and watch TV movies and maybe nap. The BF would rather me get up and put myself together, make a covered dish and attend a family picnic for six hours... Enter, argument of the century. I can't be the only one who thinks seeing extended family members monthly is too much, can I? LOL I know some will argue, and there are those who see their family much more regularly than that, but we've never been the type. In fact, I've only been told by his family that they see him more since he met me. I agree that my lifestyle and bringing two kids in tow with me aided in making more family oriented, but sometimes it's overkill for me. I mean, PMDD is already robbing me of half of my life. Add to that the heavy workload I'm under (and the housework, etc that he doesn't exactly try to help with)... when I have time to take a break, I really want to take a break—from life. Not put on makeup to go eat the same food with the same people and listen to melodrama. His family, they're very good people and always seem to have the best intentions, but family functions, in my opinion, are often different experiences for women and men. I've discussed this with some in his family and they agreed, so don't hate on me lol.
For men, they sit around a television watching whatever seasonal sport is relevant, drink beer and wait to be served a meal. This is at least how it is in my BF's family. For the women, we're expected to be trapped in the kitchen cooking and serving said meal. Annnnnnd there's usually a fair amount of gossip... ugh. That's what does me in. I cannot tolerate the gossip, the woe is me divorce stories, the so-and-so is drinking/smoking/lying again, blah blah blah and at the end of the day thanks for the sub-par meal and dumping all that emotional garbage on me before I go home and collapse. The simple solution sounds like it would be to opt out of "some" events, to which the BF could attend alone. Ehhh enter loud annoying buzzer sound that brings back memories of failed $100,000 Pyramid memories... the BF isn't cool with that either. So geesh, what's a girl to do? Most of the time, I am up for said family functions if they're during my good days, but when something is slated for PMDD-time, the last thing in the world I want is to be around negativity and while his family certainly wouldn't describe themselves as such, the gossip is present and as I'm learning, a little unavoidable without looking like I'm being antisocial or lazy (staying out of the kitchen). Of course, those with no knowledge of what it's like to have PMDD would say to ignore it, shake it off, don't engage.... oh if only it were that simple :(
I digress... summer had it's fair share of family time on my side, too. I've seen my sister and Mom a lot, which has been nice since my sister just had a new baby I get to love on, but also taxing at times because it's simply hard for me to be around the same people all the time without getting annoyed during luteal. We went to the beach together in July and it was a pretty good week overall. I'm starting to get a good handle on things with PMDD and I think I've been managing it quite well. I'm lucid enough most of the time now that I can more clearly see what is happening with my relationship with the BF, too. Likewise, I think he's going to have his own mental health issues to work out in the future, but he's just not open to accepting something is wrong right now, so... what can ya do?
Now we're approaching mid-August. I just completed 6th grade orientation with my daughter and I'm nervous for her. I can see the anxiety she's feeling on her face and I think about how scared she must be not knowing what to expect from middle schoolers. I'm scared of the day she comes home in tears having found out what middle school is like, ugh. Was it bad for everyone? It sure had some low points for me. I definitely view middle school as that time in my life when the problems of boys really liking me and girls really hating me having started :/ When the fuck is that shit going to end?
That last statement really makes me think, because my girlfriend is coming to town this week and we're going out for a little girl's night and ever since we made plans, I've worried about who I may run into... it's really terrible, I know it is, that I have these anxieties living back in my hometown, but I do. Small towns.... ick! No wonder I love city life!
Alright, I have to get my ass to work. I'll be at it all evening at this point. Love you betches! Till next time...
