Negative Nancys and PMDD

I shared my first new blog post in quite a while in some PMDD support groups yesterday and couldn't believe the amount of negativity I was met with in some of them. Thankfully, the group I run was pleasant and supportive. You can find that group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/PMDDREDTENT/

Now, this isn't to toot my own horn or anything, because it's a group of more than 1500 women. It's hardly just me running the show, too. We have some great admin on board that help out. I am grateful to them, and many of the reasons why will unfold in my future posts.

Nonetheless, I got some angry faced reactions to my post yesterday in other groups. One woman even told me — assuming my recovery from PMDD was new (clearly didn't read the blog well) — that it was premature for me to claim I was PMDD-free and to let her know how I'm doing in a year. Girl, no worries. I will. I'll continue to post about my journey. But just so we're all clear: I haven't had PMDD at all since early 2015, and at that point it had been getting milder each cycle for roughly a year's time. So, I don't think 2.5 years of no PMDD is premature, but whatevs!

I will keep sharing my story and hope that it inspires someone, somewhere. If my PMDD returns at any point, I will share that, too. I'm not going to cower away in shame that my joyous recovery fell to the wayside. Remember, healing from PMDD is just as much a spiritual journey as a physical one. In fact, I believe it's that moreso than it even is medical. If I stop being true to myself, I can certainly expect a return of symptoms of dysfunction in my life. I'm here to be transparent and honest.

I hope that my words cross someone's path at just the right time, much the way posts by the great Cat Hawkins did for me years ago. If you haven't read her blog, you can find it here: http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.com/

This woman is my spirit sister, I swear to you. We walk very similar paths. Much like myself, Cat has found relief over the years from her troubles. What's interesting is, when I first started struggling with PMDD, I was very little like her. No, I didn't set out to be like her either. That's just something that's sort of evolved in my own life. Who I've become during this journey to get to know the divine feminine and my inner goddess better has happened to turn out looking a lot like who she became on hers. I always wonder if there's something to that. And certainly she and I are not the only ones!

So, here I am rambling. You'll notice I struggle at times to stay on topic. So much energy is flying out of my fingertips and I just need to get it out there. Writing is my creative process. I think of things to write in the middle of the night, in dreams, during my morning shower or an evening bath... I'm always thinking of strings of words and where to use them. Getting them out on paper is helpful for me. I hope to now put them out here more so they can be helpful to you, too.

Negative Nancys.... that was the point of this. I have watched the support group scene for many years. Once upon a time, I was a newcomer to them. I was a woman eager to learn about this disease I had just realized I had. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that much of this condition I was in was not a medical problem, but a spiritual and evolutionary journey that I was on to becoming a fuller and wiser woman.

I'm not trying to bullshit you. Please stick with me. Follow your gut. Hone those instincts. Trust yourself. There is a bigger purpose behind all of this. There is a reason I never desired hysterectomy. I never wanted to escape the madness. I wanted to perfect and conquer it, and for right now, I'm doing a pretty good job at that.

Full disclosure: my own support group is certainly not always positive and uplifting. However, when I notice a steady stream of negative posts (common during full moons), I tend to pop in just to interject a little positivity. A light-hearted meme and a post telling them all that this soon shall pass is often enough.

When I enter many of the other groups, I have noticed for a long time that there are stark differences. There are groups that is stuffed full of anger and rage. Women are venting. I get that. But where is the support? We must remember that support groups aren't just full of women posting and looking for others to commiserate with them. They are also full of lurkers who are reading along and women who need lifted back up. I don't see a whole lot of that in other groups. I try to be that person in mine, but I also have to temper how much I let myself get wrapped up in the world of PMDD. More on that later...

If you're a part of a PMDD support group, I beg of you to not just pop in during your bad weeks to vent. Stop by during the good weeks to remind someone else who is struggling that the good days lie ahead. Share your good news in your life, too. Share with these ladies when your relationship is soaring to new heights and doing well, not just when it's crashing and burning. I know it's difficult to bring oneself to want to think about anything PMDD-related during the good days, but there's healing in this for you, too. It is only when we are fully aware of our entire menstrual cycle and all four seasons of it that we can really begin to be true to ourselves and present in our femininity.

Last but not least, if you are seeking help in these support groups, I certainly don't want to discourage that. But I do want to encourage you to make a note of your moods before, during and after you pop into those groups. Do they really make you feel better afterward? They aren't for everyone, and often we get so used to having those groups as a part of our PMDD connection to others that we don't pay attention to whether or not they're really helping. For a lot of women, the negative environment in these groups can breed anxiety and further depression. If that's occurring for you, find a new group or another way to cope with those feelings. At the end of the day, I wish all of the groups well. But we all need to make sure we aren't feeding this beast with negative energy.

Love,
Danielle