I recalled somewhat how bad my PMDD symptoms were prior to going on Yaz. I knew I probably didn't remember quite how bad it was. I prepared myself for this. I was ready for major mood swings that started on Ovulation day. I was ready for symptoms that persisted until day 5 or 6 of the next cycle. I was ready.
We decided as a couple that I would go off of the pill, because it was our hope we could try to conceive this year. Such a big step is contigent upon when my newly barred attorney of a boyfriend finds the perfect career. So, as soon as those ducks fell into a row, we wanted to be ready, and clear of all trace amounts of hormones and irregular cycles, to start baby making.
Well, I did not expect an ovarian cyst, but that's what I do. A big, 5-6cm complex hemorrhagic cyst on my right ovary. Curses! Imagine it. I went to the doctor because of other issues with recurrent bowel problems, and an abdominal ultrasound reveals this massive thing that isn't supposed to be in there. I had went alone to the doctor that day, never expecting news like this. I say in the waiting room after I was given the news, trying to hold back my tears. Every bad thought from infertility to cancer flashed through my mind. I suppose when you already have to fight PMDD throughout your life, you feel someone entitled to being cut some slack in other departments. When something else happens, and I can think is Really? Is my life not hard enough already?! and ponder why on Earth bad things keep happening to someone already so troubled.
My research hasn't led to much yet. The ultrasound was 6 weeks ago and I have another three before my next trip to radiology. At that time, if the cyst is still there, and not shrinking, they'll want to schedule surgery. Ugh. Surgery. Not my cup of tea. Spend twenty minutes Googling ovarian cysts and you're sure to stumble upon more than a fair share of women who have lost whole ovaries due to these horrible little sacs of crap. Yes, I am aware that fertility isn't impacted by only having one ovary. What I am also all to aware of is how badly PMDD can be impacted by only having one ovary. Seriously. My PMDD could get worse. They are not taking my ovary. I don't trust doctors as much now. No, none of them ever did much wrong to me. I just don't like that I am always... notoriously better educated on whatever ailment myself or my children have than a doctor ever seems to be. I get it, no one is ever going to care more about me and my kids than I am. But trust me, when I get that license to practice medicine I plan to get, I won't discount someone's problems because they aren't mine own. It's not a paycheck. It's a job. You're supposed to do the job regardless of the paycheck. I am growing so tired of people only shooting for half-assed attempts in their career fields. Go all the way or get, I say.
I digress. I've not had much pain with this cyst, but when I do, it's quite uncomfortable. Having gone through childbirth, kidney stones, PMDD at this point... my pain tolerance is pretty high. I'm quite content on keeping the sucker in there if I can, but the doctor scared the crap out of me telling me he's worried about ovarian torsion. This occurs when the cyst causes weight distribution to flip your ovary. Since it's suspended by ligaments on both sides, this can cut off blood supply and you lose the whole ovary. What I struggle with is my Doctor saying my 5-6cm cyst puts me at risk for this, but all these women I've spoke to in Internet support groups and in real life are living with larger cysts than mine, for years now, with no problems. Hmmmm... Onto more research. Thoughts?
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