Just a quick repost because some of you may want to know more about MTHFR
http://www.babygaga.com/15-ways-you-didnt-know-your-mthfr-status-can-affect-the-baby/
Friday, July 28, 2017
This is where I am today with PMDD. Buckle up!
Where to start...
I've told you all about my last (as in most recent bc this momma ain't done yet :) pregnancy and how I was symptom-free of PMDD. My PMDD symptoms began to subside a few cycles before I actually conceived. It's taken me this long to really come to terms with all that has happened to my body, and my mind.
In short, it was a combination of natural healing and spiritual healing. No, I don't think some Omnipresent being swooped down and saved me. By spiritual I mean, I was finally being true to myself. I have continued on that path and have continued to get better, to heal, to be free of PMDD. Yes, I really am living without PMDD.
This experience has been eye-opening because for the longest time I felt I couldn't trust myself. Even in the "good weeks", I was unsure of who I was, if my feelings really belonged to me, and what decisions I should make for my future. This made having a relationship, children and a career very hard, as so many of you know.
So, I had a beautiful pregnancy. I soaked up so much knowledge in those nine months to prepare myself for another birth. I really dug deep into myself to find out who I was, what was I about? I found that my love of the divine feminine is still there. My desire to help other women was as strong as ever. But instead, my focus shifted from helping women with PMDD to helping women prepare to give birth. I had no idea at the time just how much my life was about to change.
First, some back story. I've suffered through too many lost pregnancies in the past, and the last left me feeling very empty. I never really healed from that experience. The last one is also when PMDD took hold of my life. It was immediate. Within the same month, I was a different person. A volatile, angry, rage-filled person. Instead of giving myself time to heal from that trauma, I jumped into a relationship.
Now, I can't say I regret that move, because I'm still in that relationship today and have a beautiful family to show for it. It all had to happen the way it did to get me here, and I've accepted that. In fact, I praise the way it happened. All the struggle was worth it. I am helping others. I am bringing new discussions to the table. I am opening eyes, and my experience has helped others overcome PMDD. I know in my soul I was put here to do this. I just know this won't be my only accomplishment, either.
I digress... Back then, I didn't make the connection between mind and body and spirit at all. I didn't realize that this trauma that occurred to my body would affect me so deeply or for so long. I looked at it as being strictly medical. As they say, when you find yourself lost, the best thing to do is go back to square one and start over on a new path. That's really what I had to do. I had to confront that part of my past and go down a different road. One that acknowledged what happened in my life. One that gave myself time to grieve that event and move on from it, even if it was years later.
Surely, though, that would not heal PMDD alone. But it's part of the bigger picture. My spirit was broken. And I truly think part of me longed for that child, even though I was busy and wrapped up in a million other things in my life. Even though my relationship was a disaster over many years, I still longed for that baby on some level. I didn't go through each day thinking that, though. Instead, my focus was solely on how to heal this medical mystery called PMDD. It was all about blaming my cycle and my hormones.
I needed that confirmation and proof. The solid science. I felt empowered by learning what science could teach me, such as the effects of estrogen and progesterone on our moods. I needed concrete answers. I felt strongly that they were the only answer for PMDD. Boy was I lost.
On top of emotional wounds and letting them heal, I started seeing a chiropractor during my pregnancy to help me heal old nerve damage from an epidural I'd received in the past. That damn shot was just one of the many reasons I was confident that natural birth was the only path for me. This is something I'd known for years. I didn't want to be numb and escape my baby's birth when that time came. I wanted to revel in it, bathe in it, take it all in. I wanted that other-worldly experience again. I'd received an epidural with my second child, but it came too late. So, I felt everything. However, I think the key to enjoying a natural birth is really being prepared for one. The women who are forced to go through it without any other option when they were wanting drugs don't tend to have the same pleasant experiences. That birth experience also helped to heal me. I felt more connected to my inner goddess than ever before.
Postpartum, I worried some about my PMDD returning. I knew it had gotten better before I got pregnant. So, I wondered if that would persist, but I also told myself it was probably a fluke because I was excited every month when trying to conceive to find out if we were pregnant. I had a very difficult postpartum period and this concerned me. I worried that all the trauma going on would bring me down into a depression.
When my baby was just four days old, I started passing kidney stones. Great timing, eh? There were more than twenty of them in just one kidney! I needed to be admitted to the hospital and have surgery the next day. This would mean being apart from my baby and I couldn't bear it. Plus, we were trying to establish breastfeeding. Luckily, my midwife swooped in and saved the day by getting us both admitted to the oncology ward (cleanest area of the hospital so safest for babe). I will forever be grateful to her for this.
The drugs they had me on made me so tired. Opioids are not my friend. I took them for a couple days post-surgery and that was it. I believe the combination of the trauma, being postpartum and coming down off those drugs is what sent me into the baby blues. For about a week, I had no interest in the baby and it broke my heart. I would hold him and feel nothing. I was numb. I was terrified that not only would PMDD come back, but I would develop postpartum depression, too. I knew the odds were higher for me. Then I reached out to my friend, who happens to be a doula, and she asked if I had started taking my placenta pills yet. I said no, because I was worried about taking them alongside the drugs I was on and so I'd waited. She encouraged me to take them, so I did. By the next day, all the clouds had lifted and I felt like myself again. I still think those pills we a savior for me and I have the remainder of them in my freezer should hormonal issues ever come my way again. I will definitely be encapsulating future placentas, too.
Things got better. I was breastfeeding, but we had a terrible time of it. My son was born with tongue and lip ties (also related to MTHFR). Apparently, pediatricians and the like are not trained on assessing for these. So, they said he didn't have them when he did. It took us until nine weeks to get him diagnosed and have the ties revised. By that time, he was used to the flow of the bottle. I'd had to pump 8-10 times a day every day during this period. It was exhausting and I hated not having that bond with my baby like I had with the others. This couldn't knocked me down into a depression again, and I think it would have for the old Danielle with PMDD, but I stayed committed. I wanted to breastfeed at least two years and just because I wasn't going to be able to breastfeed in the traditional sense didn't mean my child shouldn't benefit from breastmilk. So here I am 19 months later still exclusively pumping and patting myself on the back for it.
If that wasn't enough trauma postpartum, I also had a low milk supply. It would turn out that I had retained placenta in my uterus causing this. But by the time I got it removed at 11 weeks postpartum (another surgery) my supply was established and nothing worked to get it back up. I started noticing after that surgery that I was having hormonal surges. Specifically, I knew my estrogen was up, because I kept getting large amounts of egg-white cervical mucus (estrogen is what causes this consistency). I had my hormones tested twice and it was confirmed that my estrogen was higher than it should be for a breastfeeding woman, as was my progesterone during one of them. When breastfeeding, you produce a hormone called prolactin, and this typically suppresses estrogen and progesterone (which are the sex hormones that ebb and flow during our menstrual cycles). My estrogen and progesterone were clearly competing with prolactin. I assumed my cycle was probably tying to come back. It would figure that my hormone would dominate. That said, a question was looming in the back of my mind: why weren't these hormonal surges giving me PMDD symptoms?
It was just four months postpartum — the same time as both of my other children — when my period returned. I remember going to my fiance and bawling. He was sympathetic, but said to me, "well, if you notice you haven't been moody or anything." He was right. My first period caught me by such surprise because I had no symptoms leading up to it. There was no way for me to even expect it might be coming. I bled for a few days very heavily and that was that. And this is the way the next four or five cycles after that point would process, too. There were no mood swings, fatigue, cravings, etc. My period came back and my PMDD did not.
At this point though, each period was knocking my milk supply down further. After the bleeding stopped, I couldn't get my supply back up to the same level that it was at before I bled that month. So, I started taking Domperidone. I've discussed this quite a bit in the PMDD support groups on Facebook as a potential treatment for other with PMDD that they may want to discuss with their doctors.
Domperidone is far safer than Reglan (which crosses the blood brain barrier and often causes mental health issues of its own). It is used off-label for breastfeeding because it has the side effect of increasing prolactin. It is safe for babies and even prescribed for them for other issues. Within a week, my milk supply more than doubled. The reason I think it could be a possible treatment for women with PMDD is because it shuts off your cycle and suppresses those sex hormones due to the high prolactin. So, it's not a cure by any means, but it is a quality band-aid that comes with little to no side effects, which we cannot say about drugs like birth control and Lupron. Of course, the trade off would be that you may lactate. How much is variable depending on how high of a dose one takes, but one could theorize that if a woman started with one 10mg pill a day and slowly increased to see how many it takes to shut off her cycle, she may barely produce any milk or at least would not produce a full supply. I'm still waiting for one of my PMDD friends to have the nerve to try it out, but a few are interested. Of course, I am no doctor and strongly encourage you discuss such with your medical provider beforehand, but it's compelling, and it's cheap!
So, I healed from my past trauma. I visited a chiropractor. I took placenta pills. I still take probiotics and quality methylated food based vitamins. I eat a whole foods diet. And I have found myself free of PMDD.
Before you ask, I am absolutely curious as to whether it will return when I fully wean from breastfeeding. I think it's only natural to have that concern. I've asked many other women what their experiences with breastfeeding have been, and I've only found one that is like me. All the others found that their PMDD returned as soon as their period did, regardless of whether they were still nursing or not.
We know that the hormones wreak havoc on inflammation in our bodies, so it is amazing to me that breastfeeding has benefited me the way it has, because prolactin is known to be inflammatory and not a protective factor by any means. Yet those estrogen surges didn't cause me any symptoms. My periods have caused me no symptoms. I'm not living my life expecting it to return. There has been too much evidence for me that hormones are no longer affecting me for me to truly think it will. But sure, the fear is there. I was on a higher dose of domperidone, but have begun to slowly cut back. I want to wean over a very long period of time, because going cold turkey can cause mental health issues (imagine that, the medical establishment will acknowledge that going off of a drug that affects your hormones sharply can cause you to become depressed and anxious, but they can't wrap their heads around our natural hormone cycle doing the same lol). I was taking 120mg at one point and am now down to 90mg. Still, I have no symptoms, though I am showing signs that my androgen hormones are spiking a bit more now (greasier hair, oilier skin and so forth).
I will surely keep you updated when I do fully wean, which won't be for a bit yet. Regardless, if it returns, I feel far better equipped to deal with PMDD now at this place in my life. In a nutshell, when women ask me how to deal with PMDD (and they often look quite confused by the answer) I tell them, accept it. Embrace it. It's true. Your cycle is a gift, not a burden, and the more you look at it this way, the more your ability to heal from PMDD will take shape. More on that later.
Love to you all,
Danielle
I've told you all about my last (as in most recent bc this momma ain't done yet :) pregnancy and how I was symptom-free of PMDD. My PMDD symptoms began to subside a few cycles before I actually conceived. It's taken me this long to really come to terms with all that has happened to my body, and my mind.
In short, it was a combination of natural healing and spiritual healing. No, I don't think some Omnipresent being swooped down and saved me. By spiritual I mean, I was finally being true to myself. I have continued on that path and have continued to get better, to heal, to be free of PMDD. Yes, I really am living without PMDD.
This experience has been eye-opening because for the longest time I felt I couldn't trust myself. Even in the "good weeks", I was unsure of who I was, if my feelings really belonged to me, and what decisions I should make for my future. This made having a relationship, children and a career very hard, as so many of you know.
So, I had a beautiful pregnancy. I soaked up so much knowledge in those nine months to prepare myself for another birth. I really dug deep into myself to find out who I was, what was I about? I found that my love of the divine feminine is still there. My desire to help other women was as strong as ever. But instead, my focus shifted from helping women with PMDD to helping women prepare to give birth. I had no idea at the time just how much my life was about to change.
First, some back story. I've suffered through too many lost pregnancies in the past, and the last left me feeling very empty. I never really healed from that experience. The last one is also when PMDD took hold of my life. It was immediate. Within the same month, I was a different person. A volatile, angry, rage-filled person. Instead of giving myself time to heal from that trauma, I jumped into a relationship.
Now, I can't say I regret that move, because I'm still in that relationship today and have a beautiful family to show for it. It all had to happen the way it did to get me here, and I've accepted that. In fact, I praise the way it happened. All the struggle was worth it. I am helping others. I am bringing new discussions to the table. I am opening eyes, and my experience has helped others overcome PMDD. I know in my soul I was put here to do this. I just know this won't be my only accomplishment, either.
I digress... Back then, I didn't make the connection between mind and body and spirit at all. I didn't realize that this trauma that occurred to my body would affect me so deeply or for so long. I looked at it as being strictly medical. As they say, when you find yourself lost, the best thing to do is go back to square one and start over on a new path. That's really what I had to do. I had to confront that part of my past and go down a different road. One that acknowledged what happened in my life. One that gave myself time to grieve that event and move on from it, even if it was years later.
Surely, though, that would not heal PMDD alone. But it's part of the bigger picture. My spirit was broken. And I truly think part of me longed for that child, even though I was busy and wrapped up in a million other things in my life. Even though my relationship was a disaster over many years, I still longed for that baby on some level. I didn't go through each day thinking that, though. Instead, my focus was solely on how to heal this medical mystery called PMDD. It was all about blaming my cycle and my hormones.
I needed that confirmation and proof. The solid science. I felt empowered by learning what science could teach me, such as the effects of estrogen and progesterone on our moods. I needed concrete answers. I felt strongly that they were the only answer for PMDD. Boy was I lost.
On top of emotional wounds and letting them heal, I started seeing a chiropractor during my pregnancy to help me heal old nerve damage from an epidural I'd received in the past. That damn shot was just one of the many reasons I was confident that natural birth was the only path for me. This is something I'd known for years. I didn't want to be numb and escape my baby's birth when that time came. I wanted to revel in it, bathe in it, take it all in. I wanted that other-worldly experience again. I'd received an epidural with my second child, but it came too late. So, I felt everything. However, I think the key to enjoying a natural birth is really being prepared for one. The women who are forced to go through it without any other option when they were wanting drugs don't tend to have the same pleasant experiences. That birth experience also helped to heal me. I felt more connected to my inner goddess than ever before.
Postpartum, I worried some about my PMDD returning. I knew it had gotten better before I got pregnant. So, I wondered if that would persist, but I also told myself it was probably a fluke because I was excited every month when trying to conceive to find out if we were pregnant. I had a very difficult postpartum period and this concerned me. I worried that all the trauma going on would bring me down into a depression.
When my baby was just four days old, I started passing kidney stones. Great timing, eh? There were more than twenty of them in just one kidney! I needed to be admitted to the hospital and have surgery the next day. This would mean being apart from my baby and I couldn't bear it. Plus, we were trying to establish breastfeeding. Luckily, my midwife swooped in and saved the day by getting us both admitted to the oncology ward (cleanest area of the hospital so safest for babe). I will forever be grateful to her for this.
The drugs they had me on made me so tired. Opioids are not my friend. I took them for a couple days post-surgery and that was it. I believe the combination of the trauma, being postpartum and coming down off those drugs is what sent me into the baby blues. For about a week, I had no interest in the baby and it broke my heart. I would hold him and feel nothing. I was numb. I was terrified that not only would PMDD come back, but I would develop postpartum depression, too. I knew the odds were higher for me. Then I reached out to my friend, who happens to be a doula, and she asked if I had started taking my placenta pills yet. I said no, because I was worried about taking them alongside the drugs I was on and so I'd waited. She encouraged me to take them, so I did. By the next day, all the clouds had lifted and I felt like myself again. I still think those pills we a savior for me and I have the remainder of them in my freezer should hormonal issues ever come my way again. I will definitely be encapsulating future placentas, too.
Things got better. I was breastfeeding, but we had a terrible time of it. My son was born with tongue and lip ties (also related to MTHFR). Apparently, pediatricians and the like are not trained on assessing for these. So, they said he didn't have them when he did. It took us until nine weeks to get him diagnosed and have the ties revised. By that time, he was used to the flow of the bottle. I'd had to pump 8-10 times a day every day during this period. It was exhausting and I hated not having that bond with my baby like I had with the others. This couldn't knocked me down into a depression again, and I think it would have for the old Danielle with PMDD, but I stayed committed. I wanted to breastfeed at least two years and just because I wasn't going to be able to breastfeed in the traditional sense didn't mean my child shouldn't benefit from breastmilk. So here I am 19 months later still exclusively pumping and patting myself on the back for it.
If that wasn't enough trauma postpartum, I also had a low milk supply. It would turn out that I had retained placenta in my uterus causing this. But by the time I got it removed at 11 weeks postpartum (another surgery) my supply was established and nothing worked to get it back up. I started noticing after that surgery that I was having hormonal surges. Specifically, I knew my estrogen was up, because I kept getting large amounts of egg-white cervical mucus (estrogen is what causes this consistency). I had my hormones tested twice and it was confirmed that my estrogen was higher than it should be for a breastfeeding woman, as was my progesterone during one of them. When breastfeeding, you produce a hormone called prolactin, and this typically suppresses estrogen and progesterone (which are the sex hormones that ebb and flow during our menstrual cycles). My estrogen and progesterone were clearly competing with prolactin. I assumed my cycle was probably tying to come back. It would figure that my hormone would dominate. That said, a question was looming in the back of my mind: why weren't these hormonal surges giving me PMDD symptoms?
It was just four months postpartum — the same time as both of my other children — when my period returned. I remember going to my fiance and bawling. He was sympathetic, but said to me, "well, if you notice you haven't been moody or anything." He was right. My first period caught me by such surprise because I had no symptoms leading up to it. There was no way for me to even expect it might be coming. I bled for a few days very heavily and that was that. And this is the way the next four or five cycles after that point would process, too. There were no mood swings, fatigue, cravings, etc. My period came back and my PMDD did not.
At this point though, each period was knocking my milk supply down further. After the bleeding stopped, I couldn't get my supply back up to the same level that it was at before I bled that month. So, I started taking Domperidone. I've discussed this quite a bit in the PMDD support groups on Facebook as a potential treatment for other with PMDD that they may want to discuss with their doctors.
Domperidone is far safer than Reglan (which crosses the blood brain barrier and often causes mental health issues of its own). It is used off-label for breastfeeding because it has the side effect of increasing prolactin. It is safe for babies and even prescribed for them for other issues. Within a week, my milk supply more than doubled. The reason I think it could be a possible treatment for women with PMDD is because it shuts off your cycle and suppresses those sex hormones due to the high prolactin. So, it's not a cure by any means, but it is a quality band-aid that comes with little to no side effects, which we cannot say about drugs like birth control and Lupron. Of course, the trade off would be that you may lactate. How much is variable depending on how high of a dose one takes, but one could theorize that if a woman started with one 10mg pill a day and slowly increased to see how many it takes to shut off her cycle, she may barely produce any milk or at least would not produce a full supply. I'm still waiting for one of my PMDD friends to have the nerve to try it out, but a few are interested. Of course, I am no doctor and strongly encourage you discuss such with your medical provider beforehand, but it's compelling, and it's cheap!
So, I healed from my past trauma. I visited a chiropractor. I took placenta pills. I still take probiotics and quality methylated food based vitamins. I eat a whole foods diet. And I have found myself free of PMDD.
Before you ask, I am absolutely curious as to whether it will return when I fully wean from breastfeeding. I think it's only natural to have that concern. I've asked many other women what their experiences with breastfeeding have been, and I've only found one that is like me. All the others found that their PMDD returned as soon as their period did, regardless of whether they were still nursing or not.
We know that the hormones wreak havoc on inflammation in our bodies, so it is amazing to me that breastfeeding has benefited me the way it has, because prolactin is known to be inflammatory and not a protective factor by any means. Yet those estrogen surges didn't cause me any symptoms. My periods have caused me no symptoms. I'm not living my life expecting it to return. There has been too much evidence for me that hormones are no longer affecting me for me to truly think it will. But sure, the fear is there. I was on a higher dose of domperidone, but have begun to slowly cut back. I want to wean over a very long period of time, because going cold turkey can cause mental health issues (imagine that, the medical establishment will acknowledge that going off of a drug that affects your hormones sharply can cause you to become depressed and anxious, but they can't wrap their heads around our natural hormone cycle doing the same lol). I was taking 120mg at one point and am now down to 90mg. Still, I have no symptoms, though I am showing signs that my androgen hormones are spiking a bit more now (greasier hair, oilier skin and so forth).
I will surely keep you updated when I do fully wean, which won't be for a bit yet. Regardless, if it returns, I feel far better equipped to deal with PMDD now at this place in my life. In a nutshell, when women ask me how to deal with PMDD (and they often look quite confused by the answer) I tell them, accept it. Embrace it. It's true. Your cycle is a gift, not a burden, and the more you look at it this way, the more your ability to heal from PMDD will take shape. More on that later.
Love to you all,
Danielle
A Natural Approach to a Natural Disorder
Treating PMDD is a trial and error process for most women, as I've discussed in previous posts. Most of the time, when we talk about natural remedies, we go on to list supplements like St. John's Wort and Vitex. You can find those posts practically anywhere, though. I'm not going to bore you with that. I'm going deeper, while at the same time staying more basic. This is about nutrition.
There's a reason so many women have found success in healing from PMDD with special diets. In particular, the Paleo diet, Whole30 and others that focus on eliminating certain foods that are toxic to us and filling the body with whole foods are the goal here. Yes, it' hard. PMDD makes us crave ice cream, chips, popcorn and more. But those foods are toxic to us, and this is why.
Dairy depletes folate in the body. This critical B vitamin is important for our bodies. When we don't have enough of it, it leads to exhaustion, that foggy-headed feeling and mood swings. Preservatives and synthetic ingredients in food really do affect our moods and behaviors. It's truly this simple: you can keep telling yourself that's nonsense because everyone else is eating it and they're fine (have you looked at the number of escalating diagnoses we have in this world? We are not "fine"), or you can decide to take charge and tackle food.
I made a commitment to myself that I would not be defeated by snack cakes and corn chips. I am a woman for goodness sake. Of course I am stronger than that. Initially, the whole family went on a strict anti-candida diet. At the time, we suspected my son (who is special needs) was suffering with underlying candida (this is yeast overgrowth in the gut). Within a week or two, I noticed I wasn't bloated anymore — even when leading up to and on my period! The mood swings had died down. My cravings for those foods became smaller the less I ate of them. My skin cleared up. The mild eczema on my arms went away. I never expected any of this to happen and it was remarkable to me.
I started questioning... did I have candida? Many women with PMDD do. However, I had no symptoms of die off and pretty much never get yeast infections. So, I'm assuming I did not. Rather, it was the healthy diet and the elimination of processed food that was benefiting me. I wasn't even exercising - at all!
Enter, the Paleo diet. It turned out my son didn't have candida, but he does have some food allergies. So we had to eliminate dairy, grains, soy, and gluten. The easiest way to do that in a mainstream world where everything revolves around food was to go on the Paleo diet. It has served us well for the last year almost. We rarely eat grains and when we do, it's a sprouted grain like quinoa. Sure, we still go out to eat from time to time. I still binge on a pizza here and there, etc. But I didn't do that in the initial stages. I was hell bent on healing my gut and so I did restrict certain foods entirely for a while, and grains were one of them.
Most of us with PMDD suffer from leaky gut syndrome. No, your mainstream doctor won't know anything about it. Clinically, it's referred to as Intestinal Permeability. There's a lot of debate over whether or not it exists. I've seen too much evidence of recovery from it across multiple illnesses not to be a believer, though. So, I was going to heal my gut.
I added bone broth to my diet (homemade weekly). I started taking probioitics. Prebioitics are great, too, if you can afford them. The biggest change I made — and I did this before I ever started any of the diets or got pregnant — was taking a whole food based vitamin that contained methylfolate. This links back to MTHFR (which I will discuss in a different post).
I'd been meditating for a couple years already at that point, but I really ramped it up. I was never the type to sit cross-legged and hum to myself with my hands in the air. That's not me. I meditate in bed most of the time, or in the bath. I zone out. Clearing your mind seems like a confusing thing to say to most people in my opinion. Instead, I explain it as letting go of control. Because yeah, it seems pretty impossible to empty your mind and not think. Then you end up thinking about not thinking, am I right? Instead, just let thoughts flow into your mind freely. This is what meditation is really about. And no, not thoughts about the market trip you need to make or pills to pay or what the kids are doing downstairs right now. Thoughts about you, your journey, the space you are in, your womb, and more. Lots more to come on this; bear with me.
XO,
Danielle
There's a reason so many women have found success in healing from PMDD with special diets. In particular, the Paleo diet, Whole30 and others that focus on eliminating certain foods that are toxic to us and filling the body with whole foods are the goal here. Yes, it' hard. PMDD makes us crave ice cream, chips, popcorn and more. But those foods are toxic to us, and this is why.
Dairy depletes folate in the body. This critical B vitamin is important for our bodies. When we don't have enough of it, it leads to exhaustion, that foggy-headed feeling and mood swings. Preservatives and synthetic ingredients in food really do affect our moods and behaviors. It's truly this simple: you can keep telling yourself that's nonsense because everyone else is eating it and they're fine (have you looked at the number of escalating diagnoses we have in this world? We are not "fine"), or you can decide to take charge and tackle food.
I made a commitment to myself that I would not be defeated by snack cakes and corn chips. I am a woman for goodness sake. Of course I am stronger than that. Initially, the whole family went on a strict anti-candida diet. At the time, we suspected my son (who is special needs) was suffering with underlying candida (this is yeast overgrowth in the gut). Within a week or two, I noticed I wasn't bloated anymore — even when leading up to and on my period! The mood swings had died down. My cravings for those foods became smaller the less I ate of them. My skin cleared up. The mild eczema on my arms went away. I never expected any of this to happen and it was remarkable to me.
I started questioning... did I have candida? Many women with PMDD do. However, I had no symptoms of die off and pretty much never get yeast infections. So, I'm assuming I did not. Rather, it was the healthy diet and the elimination of processed food that was benefiting me. I wasn't even exercising - at all!
Enter, the Paleo diet. It turned out my son didn't have candida, but he does have some food allergies. So we had to eliminate dairy, grains, soy, and gluten. The easiest way to do that in a mainstream world where everything revolves around food was to go on the Paleo diet. It has served us well for the last year almost. We rarely eat grains and when we do, it's a sprouted grain like quinoa. Sure, we still go out to eat from time to time. I still binge on a pizza here and there, etc. But I didn't do that in the initial stages. I was hell bent on healing my gut and so I did restrict certain foods entirely for a while, and grains were one of them.
Most of us with PMDD suffer from leaky gut syndrome. No, your mainstream doctor won't know anything about it. Clinically, it's referred to as Intestinal Permeability. There's a lot of debate over whether or not it exists. I've seen too much evidence of recovery from it across multiple illnesses not to be a believer, though. So, I was going to heal my gut.
I added bone broth to my diet (homemade weekly). I started taking probioitics. Prebioitics are great, too, if you can afford them. The biggest change I made — and I did this before I ever started any of the diets or got pregnant — was taking a whole food based vitamin that contained methylfolate. This links back to MTHFR (which I will discuss in a different post).
I'd been meditating for a couple years already at that point, but I really ramped it up. I was never the type to sit cross-legged and hum to myself with my hands in the air. That's not me. I meditate in bed most of the time, or in the bath. I zone out. Clearing your mind seems like a confusing thing to say to most people in my opinion. Instead, I explain it as letting go of control. Because yeah, it seems pretty impossible to empty your mind and not think. Then you end up thinking about not thinking, am I right? Instead, just let thoughts flow into your mind freely. This is what meditation is really about. And no, not thoughts about the market trip you need to make or pills to pay or what the kids are doing downstairs right now. Thoughts about you, your journey, the space you are in, your womb, and more. Lots more to come on this; bear with me.
XO,
Danielle
Pregnancy and PMDD
Ideally, we think PMDD should go away during pregnancy, and for many lucky ladies, it does indeed. Unfortunately, it doesn't for everyone. In fact, it can even get worse during pregnancy for some. The theories on this are vast. I'll cover my take on it stemming from the research I've done, personal experience and my conversations with hundreds of PMDD ladies over the years.
Some of us aren't just suffering from PMDD, but from Progesterone Intolerance, as well. Those ladies will not experience relief during pregnancy, because your progesterone literally runs sky high while you're expecting. You can read an article I wrote on this topic here: http://www.babygaga.com/15-little-known-signs-of-progesterone-intolerance-during-pregnancy/
Likewise, many women experience a shift in hormones again following the birth of their child that sends them into a tailspin. The baby blues are common and affect some 80 percent of women. They'll also pass within a week or two. If you're in the throws of this and it's not going away, that's more akin to a postpartum mood disorder, like postpartum depression/anxiety or postpartum psychosis. Don't forget, a lot of women also first develop PMDD after having a baby, too. Another piece on that here: http://www.babygaga.com/postpartum-mood-madness-14-signs-its-pmdd/
For me, pregnancy with PMDD was blissful. I am fortunately not progesterone intolerant. However, I should not that my PMDD seemed to be on its way to recovery a couple cycles before I got pregnant. But there was a definite shift once I was. The PMDD was gone.
Postpartum, I did experience the baby blues. I've never felt lower. For me, PMDD has brought depressive episodes, but the depths to which this depression brought were far more heartbreaking. It wasn't just about lethargy and fatigue and wallowing in sad music in my bedroom. Add to that the lack of desire to hold your own newborn, and the feelings it brings are quite devastating.Luckily, that passed, but I will note that I STRONGLY encourage women with PMDD (all women really) to encapsulate their placentas postpartum or save them for frozen smoothies. Within 24 hours of starting my placenta pills, my baby blues had vanished. Certainly, I have known women with PMDD that did not respond well to their placenta. The Traditional Chinese Method of encapsulation does seem to go easier on most than the raw variant, though.
Throughout pregnancy, I had no highs and lows. Everything was consistent. My sex drive was higher than it had been in years. I had energy and an even bigger change for me: I wanted to spend time outside. Anyone who knows me knows this isn't my norm. I am usually very heat intolerant, but I actually enjoyed the summer while pregnant. My little one is 19 months old now. Yes, I've been absent from my blog entirely too long. The events that have transpired since his birth are worth several journal entries of their own, so I'll cut off here.
Love,
Danielle
Some of us aren't just suffering from PMDD, but from Progesterone Intolerance, as well. Those ladies will not experience relief during pregnancy, because your progesterone literally runs sky high while you're expecting. You can read an article I wrote on this topic here: http://www.babygaga.com/15-little-known-signs-of-progesterone-intolerance-during-pregnancy/
Likewise, many women experience a shift in hormones again following the birth of their child that sends them into a tailspin. The baby blues are common and affect some 80 percent of women. They'll also pass within a week or two. If you're in the throws of this and it's not going away, that's more akin to a postpartum mood disorder, like postpartum depression/anxiety or postpartum psychosis. Don't forget, a lot of women also first develop PMDD after having a baby, too. Another piece on that here: http://www.babygaga.com/postpartum-mood-madness-14-signs-its-pmdd/
For me, pregnancy with PMDD was blissful. I am fortunately not progesterone intolerant. However, I should not that my PMDD seemed to be on its way to recovery a couple cycles before I got pregnant. But there was a definite shift once I was. The PMDD was gone.
Postpartum, I did experience the baby blues. I've never felt lower. For me, PMDD has brought depressive episodes, but the depths to which this depression brought were far more heartbreaking. It wasn't just about lethargy and fatigue and wallowing in sad music in my bedroom. Add to that the lack of desire to hold your own newborn, and the feelings it brings are quite devastating.Luckily, that passed, but I will note that I STRONGLY encourage women with PMDD (all women really) to encapsulate their placentas postpartum or save them for frozen smoothies. Within 24 hours of starting my placenta pills, my baby blues had vanished. Certainly, I have known women with PMDD that did not respond well to their placenta. The Traditional Chinese Method of encapsulation does seem to go easier on most than the raw variant, though.
Throughout pregnancy, I had no highs and lows. Everything was consistent. My sex drive was higher than it had been in years. I had energy and an even bigger change for me: I wanted to spend time outside. Anyone who knows me knows this isn't my norm. I am usually very heat intolerant, but I actually enjoyed the summer while pregnant. My little one is 19 months old now. Yes, I've been absent from my blog entirely too long. The events that have transpired since his birth are worth several journal entries of their own, so I'll cut off here.
Love,
Danielle
Re-Invigorating This Journal
There are so many thoughts coursing through my mind right now that it's hard to know where to start. Others have been beckoning at me for quite some time to write a book, get back on my blog, do something that would help them shed light on the topics I discuss with them so fleetingly. One of them being PMDD. Okay, I can do this. That's what I'm telling myself this morning. I can take ten minutes out of my day every now and then to write down my revelations and experiences with the feminine mystique. If I don't, who will?
Not to knock those who have come before me and those who are also sharing the message now, but I feel a personal responsibility to share what I've learned. This is my personal journey. It may not be yours, but I think part of it lies within all of us. I think part of the reason it takes women so many years to heal from PMDD is because it is such a journey. There is no quick fix. Sorry. It's a testament to the women that have come before us that we fight to get back to our roots — to care for ourselves the way they'd hoped we always would. Are you ready?
Side note: my life is insanely busy sometimes. I work like a mad woman when the creativity strikes me. You can see what's up in the professional side of my life here: http://www.babygaga.com/author/danielly_bosley/
If I start faltering and not posting again, please don't hestitate to ask where the hell I am and hold me accountable. This is as much for you as it is for me.
Love to you all,
Danielle
Monday, June 6, 2016
PMDD: Med-free Management
People ask me about my experiences with treating PMDD all the time. I tell them how I was such a mess in the beginning; how back then it was difficult to even find a doctor who had ever heard of it, much less treated it. When I stumbled upon someone who did, I took it as a blessing that she listened to my symptoms and agreed it was PMDD and sent me on my way with a prescription for Sarafem-a glorified repatented low dose of Prozac. That didn't work for me though. I tried herbal supplements and vitamin regimens for quite a while with no foreseeable success. Soon after, I jumped on the Yaz bandwagon. It did help. Some. My bad days that once crept in around day 12 lasting through my 28-day cycle and into day 6 of the next were lessened. They didn't start til around day 22 and would taper by day 3. Still, they were ewually as intense when present. The physical symptoms were all still there, but Yaz did help with bloating and a bit with breakouts. Nonetheless, I knew a lifetime of synthetic hormones was not the way I wanted to live my life. And it wasn't even a huge improvement. After 22 months on Yaz, I stopped taking it.
Since then, I shifted my focus for Pmdd from one of trying to eliminate symptoms to one of trying to structure my life in a healthy way. Everything needed to stop being about PMDD. It needed to be about total health. I am still on this journey and things are always improving.
I decided I needed to put more effort into meditation. But sitting on a floor with my legs crossed and trying to empty my mind wasn't coming easy to me. My mind just doesn't empty, okay? So I focused on the purpose of meditation... I needed to engage in behaviors, regularly, that calmed me; things that would soothe me, relax me and help my body shut down all its crazy hormonal responses. I learned to allow myself to meditate the way I needed to. This usually comes in the form of laying in bed or strolling through the city or listening to Bing Crosby and watching It's A Wonderful Life for me, but it's a walk in the woods for some or a long bath for others. These things calm me from the inside out. So if I need to lay in bed for an hour, or our, and collect my thoughts, listen to rain sounds on an app when the sunshine is annoying me, and turn the AC on while watching a Christmas movie in my favorite flannel pajamas and pretending it's snowing outside, that's what I do.
Now you might be thinking that's all fine and good, but we can't all just lay in bed for an hour or four when we have a bad day. Mmmmm actually, yes you can. Now for the record, I don't have chronic day after day bad days anymore in light of the positive changes I've made in my life. I don't need my bed every day. But when I do, I let myself have it. If I'm home with the kids and my partner isn't there to help, then guess what? The kids come with me. I am fortunate that they rarely trigger my moods. What I have done may not work for you, verbatim, but the overall point is to start giving yourself what you need. My PMDD became more manageable when I started letting myself off the hook!
Why do I have to have a normal, 9-5 grind? I don't! I suck at those! I work from home and have been for about four years now. It has saved me in so many ways. I need the flexibility and alone time telecommuting offers to keep my moods in check. With PMDD, a bad morning trying to get the kids off to school while also needing my hair and makeup done and work clothes ironed etc just doesn't cut it. There's no room for high amounts of stress in my life. When you have PMDD, normal routines upsets like this are high stress. There is no minor annoyance or slight irritability. It's either cool with you or you fucking hate it. I fucking hate the stress that an outside of the home, work for someone else job brings for me. So, I stopped doing it! I took charge of my life and realized I am a better partner, mom and friend when my work life is enhancing my life rather than making it worse. I work hard and I earn a paycheck. I don't have to leave the house to do it. Neither do you if you structure your life around getting better. Society just tells you that you do. Screw society. I let myself off the hook!
Love,
Danielle
Love,
Danielle
Sunday, March 8, 2015
TTC (Trying To Conceive) With PMDD
Boy (or girl), who knew this TTC business would be so tricky, right? 14 Months after I went off Yaz, two ovarian cysts, an out-of-state move and much relationship rehab later, here we are actively trying. I'm currently 7DPO (days past ovulation) and I was doing really well not being hyper-focused on potential symptoms... until yesterday. I experienced some spotting that is quite abnormal for me. Dark brownish-red in color and scant amounts dried in my underwear when I went to the bathroom. Pretty much nothing when I wipe or for the rest of the night. Today, some creamy light tan CM (cervical mucus/discharge). I also started having mild lower pelvic and lower back achiness yesterday which subsided by bedtime and picked back up today before I noticed today's CM... just like yesterday's pain came before the spotting. I'm crossing my fingers it could be implantation and trying to hold out until at least 9dpo, but hopefully 12dpo to test. There's no way I'm getting to 14dpo this cycle. Also, a slight drop in my temp yesterday and back up today. Here's to hoping! If I am preggers, it would be quite interesting, because I've been extra tired for several days now and writing it off as too early, but we all know how hyper-sensitive PMDD makes us! eek! I hope this is our month.
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