PMDD: Med-free Management

People ask me about my experiences with treating PMDD all the time. I tell them how I was such a mess in the beginning; how back then it was difficult to even find a doctor who had ever heard of it, much less treated it. When I stumbled upon someone who did, I took it as a blessing that she listened to my symptoms and agreed it was PMDD and sent me on my way with a prescription for Sarafem-a glorified repatented low dose of Prozac. That didn't work for me though. I tried herbal supplements and vitamin regimens for quite a while with no foreseeable success. Soon after, I jumped on the Yaz bandwagon. It did help. Some. My bad days that once crept in around day 12 lasting through my 28-day cycle and into day 6 of the next were lessened. They didn't start til around day 22 and would taper by day 3. Still, they were ewually as intense when present. The physical symptoms were all still there, but Yaz did help with bloating and a bit with breakouts. Nonetheless, I knew a lifetime of synthetic hormones was not the way I wanted to live my life. And it wasn't even a huge improvement. After 22 months on Yaz, I stopped taking it.

Since then, I shifted my focus for Pmdd from one of trying to eliminate symptoms to one of trying to structure my life in a healthy way. Everything needed to stop being about PMDD. It needed to be about total health. I am still on this journey and things are always improving. 

I decided I needed to put more effort into meditation. But sitting on a floor with my legs crossed and trying to empty my mind wasn't coming easy to me. My mind just doesn't empty, okay? So I focused on the purpose of meditation... I needed to engage in behaviors, regularly, that calmed me; things that would soothe me, relax me and help my body shut down all its crazy hormonal responses. I learned to allow myself to meditate the way I needed to. This usually comes in the form of laying in bed or strolling through the city or listening to Bing Crosby and watching It's A Wonderful Life for me, but it's a walk in the woods for some or a long bath for others. These things calm me from the inside out. So if I need to lay in bed for an hour, or our, and collect my thoughts, listen to rain sounds on an app when the sunshine is annoying me, and turn the AC on while watching a Christmas movie in my favorite flannel pajamas and pretending it's snowing outside, that's what I do. 

Now you might be thinking that's all fine and good, but we can't all just lay in bed for an hour or four when we have a bad day. Mmmmm actually, yes you can. Now for the record, I don't have chronic day after day bad days anymore in light of the positive changes I've made in my life. I don't need my bed every day. But when I do, I let myself have it. If I'm home with the kids and my partner isn't there to help, then guess what? The kids come with me. I am fortunate that they rarely trigger my moods. What I have done may not work for you, verbatim, but the overall point is to start giving yourself what you need. My PMDD became more manageable when I started letting myself off the hook! 

Why do I have to have a normal, 9-5 grind? I don't! I suck at those! I work from home and have been for about four years now. It has saved me in so many ways. I need the flexibility and alone time telecommuting offers to keep my moods in check. With PMDD, a bad morning trying to get the kids off to school while also needing my hair and makeup done and work clothes ironed etc just doesn't cut it. There's no room for high amounts of stress in my life. When you have PMDD, normal routines upsets like this are high stress. There is no minor annoyance or slight irritability. It's either cool with you or you fucking hate it. I fucking hate the stress that an outside of the home, work for someone else job brings for me. So, I stopped doing it! I took charge of my life and realized I am a better partner, mom and friend when my work life is enhancing my life rather than making it worse. I work hard and I earn a paycheck. I don't have to leave the house to do it. Neither do you if you structure your life around getting better. Society just tells you that you do. Screw society. I let myself off the hook!

Love,
Danielle