HSP: Highly Sensitive Person

I have realized my anxiety is always present in some ways, but I contribute most of it to being HSP. So I try to think of it as more of a sensitivity issue than full-blown anxiety. I am not scared to leave my home during my luteal phase. I go run errands, I go to lunch with my boyfriend, I still shop for groceries, and do everything I do outside of luteal phase, except socialize. For awhile, before I knew I was HSP, I thought social anxiety could be a problem, but it never really made sense to me, because I've always been a social butterfly. Likewise, I didn't get anxious around other people like something bad was going to happen. I would just get in a generally bad, mad, sad, mood. I would want to leave. I wouldn't feel in control of my feelings. I realized with much self-reflection that I get this way even at home sometimes. It has to do with

Friends and family get annoyed with me that I rarely answer my phone. I'm good about keeping it nearby, so if I see it light up, I'll answer. I check it pretty regularly unless I'm really busy. What I don't do, is keep my ringer on. I cannot stand the sound of any phone ringer. I hate my boyfriend's too. I loathe alarms of any kind. Anything that comes unexpected, you can expect, I won't like. For me, muting my phone is a big step toward making my day easier.

I can't tolerate pencils. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I cannot use a regular pencil. Some lead varieties are okay, but the standard No. 2 pencil and I will never work together. The feel of a standard pencil gliding across paper sends chills up my spine. There are frequently other sensitivities to fabrics and other sensations. The pencil is the earliest I recall though that's still an issue for me.

It doesn't take much to offend me. Being HSP pretty much means there's no emotional barrier between you and your comments or actions, and my feelings. "Thick skin" isn't an option, even for the toughest of the highly sensitive.

My absolutely most favorite thing in the world is music, but trust me, if it's a genre I don't enjoy, then I don't enjoy it to an extreme level. I listen to music daily, and the older I get, the more I gravitate toward calming and soothing varieties... along the likes of Michael Buble, Ray Lamontagne, James Morrison, Celine Dion, etc.

I'm actually struggling to even type right now because my thoughts are such a mess and it's harder for me sometimes than others (full moon this week; yes, I'm sensitive to the moon's changes) to compose my thoughts and find the words I need.

I was definitely that child that was always referred to as being "too sensitive". Having HSP, and knowing I have it, has somewhat validated me as an adult, maybe not to others, but to myself. I don't discuss my HSP lifestyle in detail with those I don't have to. Too many people just don't understand, and it upsets me when they don't. It's not worth getting upset over, because I truly don't expect the average person to understand what someone like me goes through.

I try my best to arrange obligations and responsibilities in a way that suits the lifestyle I need to keep in order to maintain my sanity. By this, I mean, I take care of me first. If I'm feeling particularly emotional or on edge on a given day when I have somewhere to be, it takes a lot of mental preparation for me to go. Sometimes, I bail. I used to let myself feel guilty and inadequate over this, but I realize now that I have to do what is best for me, even if it's not the societal "norm".

Most people don't exactly love change, but for me, it's awful. I can't even explain to you why it's so terrible; it just is. I prepare myself for things to be a certain way, and if something disrupts that, it's like it interrupts my entire life plan. It can be exhausting for others who are close to me to endure.

Sometimes I can thrive in crowds, but generally only when it's somewhere I am comfortable to begin with. A strange environment, a sports arena with too many screaming fans, or loud buzzers and people moving in every direction make me want to head straight for home and curl up in the fetal position... which bring me to a big part of being HSP, for me anyway...

I often have to push the reset button on life when I'm getting upset or overwhelmed. You can catch me doing such about 2/3 of the month. When this happens, I retreat to wherever I feel most relaxed, so most of the time, this is the bedroom. I'll sometimes light a candle, but most of the time, I want darkness. I lay there, wide awake, for hours sometimes. I generally play music, but limit other noise. Most of the time, no matter what pre-empted by retreat, I will leave the bedroom later on feeling centered and stable. While this may sound like a relaxation method that would help anyone, not just the HSP, understand, that for me, it's not an option. I have to do it, or I'll break down-big time.

My memory is terrible and for this reason, I have to try quite hard to avoid forgetting things in the first place. I've yet to find a tactic that really helps. Maybe I should try Gingko Biloba. I'm sensitive to a lot of things in the media these days. This makes life hard. Involuntarily being in the room when a preview for a movie plays that upsets me means my whole mood could be wrecked for awhile. Ive thought many, many times how much easier my life would be if I could live in a bubble of sorts. I honestly mean that. I am always more aware than the average person of everything, and I do mean everything, around me... from the moods of others, to the temperature, the faucet dripping down the hall, the smell of this evening's dinner still lingering in the air, the car door that was just shut at the neighbor's across the street, the pace of my boyfriend's breathing on the other end of the sofa, how hard or lightly he's gripping his computer mouse... the list goes on. My mind is almost always moving at this rate of speed.

LOL Now I'm slightly overwhelmed and would like to finish some of the research I'm putting into my next post on clairvoyance, so I'll leave you with this: Are you HSP? If you are, what's your biggest struggle? Do you see advantages to being HSP? If you aren't, what do you think of what you've read here today?

XO

I can't tolerate caffeine very well at all. I often tremble and feel quite high after half a cup of coffee.